Life Blogging

6 days ago

Your dad took killer profile pics before you did and he’s rowed a tree stump across the woods to prove it. He didn’t have Facebook, but if he did, the online world would have been knuckle-punch stunned by the WTF self shots he’s posed for. Inspired from acid trips, he recreated the absurd images that his drug induced brain conjured from its synaptic firings and then captured them for everyone to see. He was a sea Captain of the woods water that rode an unassembled canoe in hunt of the great hairy land mermaid. If you want to see his profile pic, just look on your grandparent’s actual walls or in their real photo albums.

So hipsters, next time you’re photoshopping pics or posing with taxidermied animals in hopes of one upping all your friend’s digital defaults, remember this…

Your dad was photographic gold before you were.

P.S. If a photo is worth a 1,000 words, his are worth a million confusing ones.

Thank you to Nathan for today’s photo.

via dadsaretheoriginalhipster

2 weeks ago

As a card carrying member of the internet generation, most of my adolescent and adult life is archived in the vast regions of the informational black hole—some of which has probably been deleted; some I can’t remember, probably due to years of self-induced memory loss. So naturally, every once and awhile, I like to check back on the two accounts I can remember (Diaryland and Livejournal) which were both created during a very rich part of my early internet identity.

This was a time before I considered things like my future career and general transparency to potential employers/suitors/friends. So, I could freely talk about things like my menstrual cycle, skipping lecture to smoke pot and watch Unforgiven, and hyperbolic false threats to cut myself and shit without worrying about if my integrity was at stake.

The unfortunate realization is knowing how much better the writing was when I wasn’t feeling insecure weighing the considerable damages. Aside from not worrying about coming off as unstable for statements made in jest, there was the fact I wasn’t being judged for structure and grammar—hugely problematic when your entire career is based on the ability to string together a cohesive sentence.

But then I realized that basically everyone is unemployed, broke, and probably sad. Furthermore, privacy doesn’t exist anymore. So, I decided that I’m going to brush off those remaining traces of dignity and let the real pathetic projection of myself shine!

More forced poeticisms about hours on the couch watching Battlestar Gallactica and eating microwave burritos!

No more hiding the resurrection of credit card debt I thought I put behind me (but not really)!

Behold the parade of unworthy stalkers and suitors that continue to lead me into existential turmoil!

It’s 2012! The world is full of unrealistic possibilities and hopes and run-on sentences! Honesty is the new irony!

2 weeks ago

colorblinding:

“What are you supposed to be?”
“I’m a reappropriation of a cultural appropriation.”

via stfuconservatives

GIRLS ARE PRETTY: Crossing Guard Who Can Tell When You're Going To Die Day! «

girlsareprettyforever:

The reason the crossing guard cries every time you cross the street is because you’re going to die before you turn 26 and she knows it. She gets visions of when and how people are going to die when they step into her cross-walk. Something about surrendering your safety into her hands gives her a…