Guided Meditation Review

Given that I cry every other day and I don’t have enough money for a therapist/anti-depressants, I’ve taken to brain-washing myself with positive affirmations from free guided meditations on YouTube. I’ve tried a couple so far.

The first, a British man guiding me through my happy zone with some excellent digeridoos. But his voice was a little annoying, and it was under 10 minutes which isn’t sufficient enough time to get cozy on the beach in my mind.

The second, a 30-minute guided meditation, this one also a man but with a slight sense of irritation in his voice. He didn’t strike me as very relaxed and I strongly suspect he was drinking something at the time of recording or just a really heavy salivator. Either way, I was not a fan. The worst was hearing one that sounded nearly identical to Ben Stein. Actually, I take that back: the worst one was actually linked to a lecture on Jesus, Hell, and Death. 

I settled with the poorly recorded guided meditation (potentially from the early 90s) by a woman with a soothing voice backed by chimes. She had a slight Southern twang so I kind of felt like I was being emotionally coddled by Blanche Deveroux and a little better. I’m going to keep listening to these after some of my usual fits of crying in hopes I might cry a little less after brain washing myself into remembering how fucking awesome I am again.

P.S. I should also note that just re-discovered white noise, but there’s no brainwashing with that, so I’m going to go back to the soft island melodies encouraging me to find my inner strength as a human being.